1. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

2. You hear your favorite song. . .on an elevator.

3. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

4. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up.'

5. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids 
   next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.

6. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

7. Dinner and a movie;  the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

8. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.

9. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

10. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never 
    going to drink that much again."
    
11. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

12. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't 
    apply to you.

(This came from: http://www.amusingfacts.com/cgi-bin/surf/surf_pass.cgi?template=joke.html&cfile=grownup.html )

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met 

OK, so what's the speed of dark? 

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? 

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have 

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. 

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. 

Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding 

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. 

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines 

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States 

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ... 

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? 

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. 

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. 

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. 

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. 

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. 

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. 

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 

From AmusingFacts.com